Chey’s Lounge

If you can remember back to my last post, I’m on a journey to focus more on controlling what I can. I’m trying to expend less time and energy on things I don’t have control over.  It’s not easy, not entirely sure if it’s possible, but I guess I should keep trying. I just Feel Things so… intensely. All these feelings leads me to getting my own panties in a bunch sometimes. And like, it’s kind of embarrassing and exhausting. All we can do is control how we react. It’s so much harder to control when feeling overwhelmed in general, but we must. Anyone else feel that way?

I’m trying to learn my body and how it reacts involuntarily. I’ve been trying to pick up on what happens when I start to get stressed. So I can try to do something to get myself away from the stressor or whatever. I think maybe my body just thinks something is wrong all the time. Maybe I need something to block something in my brain. I allow myself to ruminate far too much. I just don’t exactly know the amount of agency I have to do things or not do things, to think or not think a certain way. I don’t know what’s acceptable in so many scenarios. I feel like a stupid idiot sometimes and it’s like my body knows before my brain. But then I can feel it the other way too, like my brain before my body in a way? Idk. This post is gonna be not great, I can tell. At least I’m writing a little one though! That’s good of me, yk, given the Current Circumstances. 

I feel tired. A man named Isaac Newton once said an object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. I do feel like rest is important for me, I’m just never gonna be one of those high energy people that keeps going and going. I know life is for living, but I need time to recover so I can live to the fullest. I’m definitely prone to allowing myself a little too much rest and at that point, it’s not good either. So hard to find the right balance. I guess it is for everyone. I mean, look at the state of the world. I feel like I’m in the middle of a see-saw when what I’m looking for is just a little bench. I don’t even mind if the bench isn’t perfect. An imperfect bench that is stable is better than never getting the good bench to stabilize. What use is it? I feel like that’s politics now, far less compromise is happening and that’s sad. And exhausting. I just want a little stability, but I do feel it’s not like a priceless thing. Stability isn’t the most important thing though. Like you can’t just accept anything in the name of stability. Doing so is female-coded behavior. LOL jk but maybe there’s a little truth in every joke?