Chey’s Lounge

Anyone else start forgetting what they want to say as they’re typing it sometimes and think to yourself maybe you should start doing voice memos? I don’t either bc I know I’d never go back to listen to those. I dislike the sound of my own voice even more than the sight of my own words. With that aside, have you ever been nervous?

I kinda hate watching things I have no control over happen sometimes. I hate seeing the process of how things got to a certain point. What I really hate about it is seeing no one else publicly recognize that they also feel a certain way about a chain of events leading up to something. The catalyst for this thought coming up today was hearing about agricultural subsidies on the news. I have mixed feelings about this because idk exactly how I feel about big corporate farms, but I have to acknowledge food is one of those things where you need to stop the bleeding before fixing what caused the issue. The thing is, it’s not like I’m an agricultural aficionado, yet I can pretty easily grasp what those who are ‘in the know’ say about it, so why can’t politicians? Or do they? We are what we tolerate. The way we react to one thing will affect how we are affected in the future. Everything is connected and this web of connections is so, so difficult to fully grasp. In so many ways, life is a reflection of the body (maybe vice versa actually). This “web” of life I’m referencing is akin to fascia. If you have had a certain type of injury, are just older, etc., you will know what I mean. Sometimes you press on your leg and then you feel something crack in your back. To get one part to crack, sometimes you need to loosen up other parts to sorta “unlock” certain tension or trigger points. It’s so fricken hard to recognize, acknowledge, and understand how things in life affect others. I think LLMs will be like a gua sha body tool, helping maximize efforts to unlock secrets. It’s so hard on our own. Well, it’s so hard on my own. Maybe I should cut politicians some slack. Different people have different abilities to recognize patterns and understand how things can come to be. Actually, maybe that’s a characteristic that’s really important for a politician to have and we should be critical of their ability to do so (or lack there of)

I keep letting outside noise cloud my mind and it’s making it hard to do things. I’m not that motivated right now. I really should just be locking in and doing something. I could, I just lack the courage to do so. I’m just not sure how health insurance works without a job, so I really don’t feel confident quitting mine to really pursue anything. I don’t know if it’s the cloudiness in my mind causing it to be worse, but I feel like these feelings of ambivalence could be making it worse. There’s so many times where I’ve felt like I was close to not noticing something important, but like I do notice it. It’s a weird feeling. It makes me wonder about the times I’ve just completely missed things. I think this happens to me most while driving. I feel like every time I’m thinking of merging and I check my blind spot to see if I can, if someone is there I just think to myself like, “omg I can’t believe I almost just got into an accident.” Earlier today, I was driving and looking to make a left hand turn onto a busier road from one with just a stop sign. I kinda started inching up to get a better look to my left before realizing someone was crossing the crosswalk. I was like damn, I almost killed a man. I’m so dramatic… gotta stop that… but that’s who I am..? Here we are again, the eternal internal debate of which parts of myself need to be addressed and which need to be accepted. I feel I have a skewed yet somewhat defensive view of myself. I feel like that’s sentence needs to be explained a little further, however, I don’t feel like doing so right now, so maybe that means we’ll end today’s post here. Maybe one day I’ll stop writing in riddles.