Chey’s Lounge

Nothing like a beautiful sunset to get you wondering how much of the world we live in is a lie. Or perhaps just what I am wrong about, what my perception skews. You know one opinion I have where I feel my opinion is objectively correct? One of the first things AI should be replacing is disc jockeys (DJs). Society has evolved past the need for DJs. Maybe I just don’t like them as people, generally. I’m not gonna act like I’m entirely free of judgment. I judge, but I do try to reign in my initial judgments before formulating an opinion on someone or something. I’m pretty open to changing my opinion if presented with different/new facts. I absolutely do understand why some people are uncomfortable doing so because it does feel uncomfortable. One thing I want to briefly mention that’s been on my mind is the government. Not even the government, just government in general. I know that there’s webs of complexities I cannot conceive of, so I don’t want to be toooo judgmental regarding the decisions of policymakers. I just  don’t like being lied to, so it kinda sucks. I hate knowing that I’m actively being lied to. Maybe not about everything, but some things. It would be foolish not to think so simply given track records. But beyond that, some of the lies are really bad. I don’t think it’s like conspiratorial to be skeptical. 

Like yeah the government lied about certain things in the past, but now they’re good! Just straight up lies in all directions and we just have to be okay with it. How exactly do we know they’re declassifying everything? If this is what they are, what aren’t they? The worst part of it all? I hate bad lies. I want a lie that can hold up to heavy scrutiny. Anything else is ultra disrespectful, like on top of the lying. And I feel like they’re not even trying anymore!!! Thinking about having to life within these arbitrary confines makes life feel less worthwhile. I guess I don’t need to live within them, but generally speaking, I’m kind of a rule follower. A bit of a poindexter. I’m not really a tattletale though, so I don’t get to feel any dopamine rush from that. Maybe one day I can feel comfortable living within the confines I decide. How do I even decide? How do I accept that this is reality? I feel most upset for others who are in really bad situations. I really am quite fine in reality, yet I’m still disheartened. I don’t even feel like I’m disillusioned, I’ve never had dreams of grandeur, I’ve always had low expectations for everything. I was sick a decent amount as a kid. I wasn’t a sickly child, but I definitely didn’t have the best immune system. And worst of all, I tended to get sick when there were school events. This literally started in preschool. I missed something on St. Patrick’s Day and many more events have been missed. Obviously that’s not a big deal, I’m just saying, I’ve known little disappointments for a long time. I’m someone who has always taken these little things to heart. I’ve internalized how these disappointments made me feel in a way that made me live and speak in ways that are open ended. I try to leave myself the least amount of opportunity to be disappointed, yet I’m still disappointed in what’s happening.