Chey’s Lounge

Maybe I’m not drinking enough water? 

Still feeling under the weather. I’m sad about it. Is what it is. Lots of action in the world this weekend. I must say, the Brown University incident reaffirms my belief law enforcement/government actively doesn’t like people wearing masks in public. It’s too easy to hide. I feel like you can only hide for so long. How many ring cameras are there around? I think one would need to go into a wooded area or something and have a bag with a change of clothes and then leave a different way. I think one would need to change their gait to best maintain deniability. I guess another thing one would could do is stuff their jacket to try to look fatter. Then emerge from the woods a skinny kweeng. On a similar note, perhaps wear a pair of shoes that gives a little extra height, have fake hair, I mean, those people who got the politicians were in pretty realistic masks. Not sure how to get something like that on the down low. Not that I’m trying to commit a crime. I don’t think I have the patience or discipline to thoroughly plan through something like that. And why am I doing it? What’s my motivation? I’m not close to neurotic enough to kill over an ideology, that’s for sure! I don’t really want to go to prison. Sounds pretty bad and sad. Speaking of bad and sad, today, I keep seeing this Daisy sour cream commercial where a lady dips a strawberry in sour cream. That seems really weird, I don’t think I like that. 

I want to write one more paragraph, but not sure what to write about. I just have this one big boi here. I wish I could just be different. I feel so judged all the time and it’s so annoying. And I’m just so easily annoyed. No one really likes being around people like that. I feel like people are on eggshells around me. I know people lie to me. I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t like being lied to but I am too crazy to deserve honesty I guess. Maybe I should move to Florida. I have no idea what I’d do as a job. Can you tell I’m very lost lately! No one’s going to find me. I feel like maybe I need a profoundly large change of scenery in my life. Idk. I just don’t think I make the people around me feel very good and in turn it just makes me feel not very good about myself and then I make other people feel worse. It’s a viscous cycle I feel I’ve been locked into for about a year or so. It’s just hard to go through hard times. I know no one cares, that’s why I’m just writing about it into the void. I guess this is enough for a second paragraph. I’m so sick of feeling like a disappointment and that I have no agency. I guess I do have agency despite the way I feel. Some people just go out and get things in life. I don’t think I’ll ever be one of those people. I think I’m just destined to remain at the beck and call of others to my own detriment to the point where others don’t even want to be around me. Not sure how selfish I should be, feels like I already am.