Chey’s Lounge

Lay down on the chaise lounge with me.

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  • You know what they say. Tomorrow is a brand new day. 

    You know what they say, early bird gets the worm. I was up too early today. I didn’t get anything done. You know what they say, closed mouths don’t get fed. My mouth is partially open. I’m not getting fed. My hands are dry, yet I’m hardly moisturizing. I need a nap, but I want to stay awake. I don’t have to. That’s not good. It’s so hard to know things. It’s so hard when you aren’t sure if you know things. It’s somehow hardest when you realize you were right. And it makes you trust your gut more, but you just don’t want to. 

    I started saving Snapchat memories and then deleting them from there so I know what I saved. I am a little sad about it, but I’m not trying to pay for an app I hardly use when I’ve had it for free for 10+ years. I’m not sure why I want to hold onto those memories. Memories can always be… adjusted. Even before Photoshop, they’ve had their ways to paint a different picture, manipulate the photograph, remove or replace any person or thing. I need to put away the Christmas stuff. I need to clean. I need to read more. I just haven’t been able to get into a book again since the last one about the submarine. I’m afraid of the state of the job market. No one is safe, nothing is 100% stable. All you can do is react accordingly. No one is perfect. Are people really ambidextrous? I’m suspicious. I think it’s just lefties in disguise or righties with weird parents/adults in their lives. I’ve never gotten a professional massage. I have gotten some acupuncture. Why is greed part of human nature? Oh to be a human and included. Oh to be excluded. Oh to be. Oh. 

  • New Year, Same Me. So Far…

    You need to let go. You need to hold on. You need to learn to be okay. Some people change. Some people stay the same. Sometimes we learn things that change how we feel. Sometimes how we feel changes how we learn things. Some people will never like you, and you have to accept that. You will not like some people, and you have to accept that. The winter is cold, but some things wait until spring to die. We need to learn when to fight and when to let go. Sometimes we need to focus on balance and other times on strength. I want to be better, but I don’t want to feel discontentment with myself. I’m sorry to those going through awful things, but I’m also sorry to those dealing with something small. I want to feel better. I just need to try harder. I need to stop worrying. I need to just do what I need to do and be happy. I wish I didn’t feel like the world would be better and that people would feel happier if I didn’t exist. I wish I wasn’t so self-centered to think that I’m more than a blip in most people’s lives. I have no idea what people do with their time. I don’t do much with mine. I wish I didn’t feel like I’m not enough and I don’t do enough. I wish I could feel comfortable. I wish I were better at being normal. I’m glad I’m not sure if I’m a total freak or not. I will be better at connecting with people who don’t mind me. I will try to be more positive. I will be happier being me. I will try to get healthier. 

  • It’s New Years Eve

    Omg I had an epiphany. I know what I can write about today. New Year’s resolutions! I’d love a new year revolution, but I’m gonna actually be careful what I wish for because I don’t know what the grass looks like in the other side and it may be worse than just a little brown and unkempt. It could be a nuclear wasteland. Not to get off topic, but I guess that’s why mutually assured destruction (MAD) is a dying theory. We can’t rely on rational deterrence if we end up with irrational actors. I don’t really know what would happen if a country with nuclear weapons fell or if there were a coup. What would the international community do? Is it just something that wouldn’t happen? I mean, it has to eventually. I would be the most ignorant person on this side of the cucumber if I were to suggest the way the world is now is how it will be forever. It’s possible that I am the most ignorant person in the world regardless of that, but whatever! You never know anything for sure. 

    So, the new year. I haven’t really given much thought to any possible resolutions. I’m always just nervous things can get worse… maybe I need to make some connections with these posts. Like yesterday saying I feel like what I think becomes reality… I need to try to change the way I think and see what may be happening. You don’t learn very much if you’re not looking for anything. I guess a resolution can be to be more intentional. I feel like I almost try to wade through life apathetically. That’s probably not great. I guess it could be worse… maybe not, to some people.. Anyway! I guess I just want to try to kept up with my goals from this past year that I feel are worthwhile. I don’t remember many, but I know I wanted to walk everyday and try my best to get to 10K steps a day and then of course I came up with the goal to post here everyday for 6 months. I’m over halfway through and I think there’s a very good chance I’ll be able to keep it up. One thing I was wondering before is what will come next? Anything? Maybe I’ll just keep it going? Maybe once a week? Maybe never again? It could go any way. Basically anything can go anyway! How scary… wait, let’s reframe the thoughts, how exciting! Not at all intimidating!  Just gonna try to keep my mind more open and cook more. To try to forget. What about you?

  • Shrek Never Said That, But I’ll never Stop Quoting It As Such xoxo

    Another day is passing by and I haven’t accomplished much of anything! I guess the birds and the possums don’t judge themselves this harshly, so why should I? Well, for all I know, possums are constantly trying to kill themselves because they’re embarrassed to be alive, so maybe they are. What do I know? Not much! You know what show was good and ended in a good timespan and on a high note? BoJack Horseman. Any shows like that on right now? I feel like everything is so surface level right now because so much is created by people keenly aware of the fact people will be multitasking when watching. 

    It’s so hard to just truck on through life. Perspective changes everything, but it’s hard to change your perspective. I wish I wasn’t bothered by certain noises. Sometimes I think about how my mom said her dad hated the sounds my dad makes while eating. I really liked my grandpa even though he died when I was like 3 or 4. I think it was because of mesothelioma that metastasized to the brain. It’s kinda interesting how some people are raised by their grandparents and others are born long after all of their grandparents passed away. I hate when I have thoughts that make me feel like I’m going to jinx myself.   I try to push it out of my mind, like not acknowledge the thought so it doesn’t exist. Thoughts don’t usually just go away if you try to do that though, so that’s not great. To avoid jinxing myself, I try not to even comprehend the thought. And if I do, I definitely try my best not verbalize it. I hate the way I feel like I speak things into existence. I hate the way that I can’t get over it once it happens! I fucking can’t stand the way people go, “ahh” after drinking something like wtf it’s really not necessary 99% of the time. Maybe I just hate the sounds of people enjoying their lives. That’s probably true. Like ever since elementary school I have hated group clapping. Like being in a gym with a bunch of people and everyone starts clapping along to music. Can’t stand that shit lol. Can’t stand being in the loop, can’t stand being out of the loop. Okay that’s enough weird complaints for today probably! 

  • Better Late Than Never – Shrek

    I don’t even know if I’m going to be able to post this on time today. There’s no service where I am right now. Let’s see if anything pops up before midnight. If not, this will be an hour or 2 late. Not too bad, really. I don’t even have anything to say today/right now. I do think people who wear masks still are smart. Getting sick stinks and I definitely think a mask helps at least a bit. I really don’t think it’s hurting anyone or anything. Except maybe the environment. Who cares about that these days anyway? If we did, anyone whose job can be done from home should be working from home. 

    You’d think I’d have a long post considering the lack of internet/cell service in general. I’d think so too! We’re all wrong though. I have nothing to say! I should go back to my old list.  Definitely not today. Maybe another day. Maybe I should risk getting arrested and go grab some strangers flabbies. Maybe I should get arrested and just cook in jail/prison. Maybe I should just get a job as a line cook before I go there. It was so nice to have a few days with nothing to do so I had the time, energy, and motivation to cook. Love that. Want more of it! Anyway, this post is officially delayed due to no fault of my own (for once!). My bad though! Here’s a yo mama joke to make it up to you all. 

    Your mommas so fat she’s never been late in her life because of the way her gravity bends space time. 

  • Boom Boom, Pass the Mushroom – Patent Pending (a band)

    Towards the end of yesterday’s post, I said I’d write more tomorrow. I’m kinda tired and not entirely in the mood to write about my pasta pie, so we’ll see what comes of this post. I can’t believe reality arrives at my doorstep once again tomorrow. I’ve been enjoying having no responsibilities besides cooking what I’m in the mood to cook. I want to make bread. I may make pizza dough instead; we’ll see. I think the only bad thing about cooking is dirty dishes, but it’s not the worst thing. 

    I’m in the running for first again in my football pool this week. The person currently in first for the season only has 2 wins so far this week. If only I had one or two fewer weeks where I totally sucked. Rats! Tbh, I haven’t even been trying to pick strategically the past few weeks (where I’ve been doing well). I’ve just kinda gone with my heart and had the discipline to not make any changes lol. It’s definitely possible I don’t win this week, but it’s nice to be in the running. Makes you realize why gambling is such a good way to make money. As the house. Not as the gambler LOL. I’m trying to gauge whether or not I actually do have the strength to write about my pasta pie. Idk why I just don’t. I really didn’t do that much today. Boiled some pasta, reheated the sauce, made some béchamel, and then put that ziti pie together. I topped it with mozzarella and cooked it. It came out okay. It tasted very good, but I still haven’t perfected removing it in a solid slice. I did a borderline adequate job with 1 out of 3. Okay, one last thing. I think I vaguely mentioned the spices used. For fresh herbs, I used a tiny bit of parsley, sage, thyme, rosemary, and marjoram. I used some dried oregano and added two bay leaves. I used a cinnamon stick and Ceylon cinnamon, nutmeg, and all spice (sound familiar? Ode to our apple butter). I also had a parmigiana cheese rind in there. There’s also salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, garlic powder, and onion powder. There’s also the béchamel. For that, I used butter, flour, milk, nutmeg, fresh ground white pepper, and some parm. I ended up speaking on the cooking enough, I’d say! 
    Here’s my bundle of fun.

  • Apple Butter Was Good

    Guys, I must confess.. I am kinda tired and don’t feel like writing about what I’ve been cooking, but trust me when I say, I’ve been cookin’. The apple butter took more than 2 hours longer than the high end of the range of my initial guesstimate. I can’t believe I took a pic of the final product last night. I forgot I did that. That was so smart of a girl like me. I made latkes this morning. I don’t want to talk about the amount of schmaltz I used. It doesn’t matter, I’m eating good this weekend lol. I listened to my heart a lot with the latkes. And Martha Stewart, believe it or not. I added a little bit of beer (Michelin Ultra, in my case. Martha is kinda crazy for that. So anyway. I had most of a beer at 9 am today. The latkes were good. How could onion and potato not be when it’s been cooked in that much rendered chicken fat? I know you don’t know how much, but I can’t tell you, it’s too embarrassing. It was pretty darn good with the apple butter. It’s very flavorful in a weird way. Not weird in a bad way, I just don’t have sweet stuff that much. It’s sweet in a different way than I’d normally have something.
    okay so the latkes were good and I was tired after making them from working so hard and definitely not the 9 am beer, so I definitely needed a like 3 hour nap. So I started cooking dinner later than I should have and it turns out, it will be tomorrow’s dinner. I woke up from my nap and texted my mom. She had texted me earlier telling me she was making a sauce and meatballs. She asked what I was doing today before my nap and I said I was planning on making a sauce too. That sentence was structured weird and I think I used the passive voice, but I’m not fixing it. Anyway, I just knew I was not making the sauce timely today, so when I woke up I asked my mom if she could bring some pasta and a meatball or 3 over. She did! She’s the best. I was in the midst of making my sauce when she came. The garlic was pregnant (green thing coming out of them) and I don’t really like that, so it takes me a while to perform all of the necessary abortions (removing the green part).I still hadn’t started chopping by the time she left. I had peeled/cleaned carrots, celery, and onion before she came and I literally was messing around with the garlic for like 40 minutes. Ridiculous of me. I will write more tomorrow. I’m making a bolognese sauce btw. I do add some non-traditional spices though. Maybe I don’t. Let me look up a recipe or two at some point. Okay, here’s some pics of Apple butter and heart shaped latke.

  • If I Don’t Update You on How This Apple Butter Came Out Tomorrow… Mind Your Business

    Idk when I am actually going to post this tonight, but I’m starting at 7:42 p.m. There’s another snowstorm near me. I had this idea of getting apples or apple sauce and making apple butter. I had already gone to the store earlier today and gotten ingredients to make latkes, just in case, you know? I got some apple sauce. Nothing crazy bc the store I was at didn’t have like any crazy brands. The store wasn’t necessarily a zoo, but it was definitely active. After it started snowing, the urge to make apple butter (for the first time ever) struck violently. The snow was coming down heavily, but I ventured to the store. I did not have enough apple sauce. And it looks like ground ginger is an ingredient if you use apple sauce instead of starting with apples. Well, after getting to the store for the second time today, I wasn’t able to find any ground ginger. I also couldn’t find any fancy apple sauce, but that wasn’t unexpected given the store (different store than earlier, same sentiment regarding the prospective availability of fancy apple sauce). I looked for quite a while and in multiple places, despite knowing very well it was only going to be in one of 2 places, and most likely not in the second. I decided to look for fresh ginger instead and see what I could conjure up. However, in my travels to the produce, I stumbled upon some nuts and such. I looked closer, hoping to find candied ginger, thinking that would probably be a better alternative than whatever I would manage to do with fresh ginger to replicate the desired ground ginger flavor. It was there! So here I am, attempting to make apple butter. I didn’t have ground clove, so despite the recipe calling for multiple other ingredients they recommended freshly grounding/grinding (ie. Nutmeg and cinnamon)and the recipe calling for ground clove with no mention of doing the grinding yourself, I ground up a few whole cloves myself. Idk why I didn’t try grating a cinnamon stick when I have one. I put it in there along with some pre-ground Ceylon cinnamon. I of course added a little bit of chopped-up candied ginger. I also added some lemon juice, allspice, and nutmeg. It’s been simmering for almost 2 hours now, and it still doesn’t feel done to me. Like, no, I’ve never made apple butter before, and I’ve only had it 3 separate times at one place, but I just know in my heart it has a while left in its tank. I’m getting a little sleepy though… rats. I must persevere. I think I will use an immersion blender to make it smoother once it’s done. For now, we wait. 

  • Christmas Day

    I’m so bad at teaching sometimes. I really just confuse people more. I’ve definitely talked about that before, but it just came up again. I don’t have much to say once again. I think I may be in the mood to make latkes. Sometimes I think about how when my mom moves full time, I’ll have no one to take care of my dog since no one really knows how to/wants to express her bladder and bowels. She’s such a good girl. I’ve been watching football instead of basketball most of the day. I’ll probably watch most of the 10:30 p.m. EST game if I can stay awake. I’m still a little more tired than normal (I’m usually in a state of sleepiness), but I’m just so happy and #thankful to be feeling better. Being sick is such a terrible part of being a person. Idk what’s worse, being incredibly sick (not like hospital bad) or really sad or anxious. I’d rather be sad than sick for sure, but anxiety is  so dreadful. Anyway, I’m happy I can drink beer again LOL. I got this Christmas Duvel cup and 4 beers. And omg even though I’ve had Duvel before, I never fully appreciated it. It’s a beautiful pour. The bubbles. Beautiful. I love Belgian beer. I’m glad Leffe Blonde is available in my neck of the woods, but I miss Grimbergen. I appreciate Jupiler too. Delirium is a little strong for me, but if I’m in Brussels, I’m gonna go to the Delirium café. I’ve only been to cities in Flanders, the Flemish part of Belgium. Well, I guess technically Brussels is like its own region within Flanders. I’d like to visit Wallonia one day. I need to study French more. I hope you had a nice Christmas if you celebrate and like a good day if you don’t. 

  • Christmas Eve

    I don’t really have anything to say to anyone right now. I’m so bad at buying gifts for people. Haven’t even buying much for myself lately. I went to Marshall’s the other day and, like, not much was calling to me. I’m just watching Christmas/holiday cartoons. I will probably write more tomorrow. Love you xoxo