Chey’s Lounge

I feel bad for people who are misunderstood by others. Sometimes I’m fooled and feel bad for people who fit the label others gave them previously. I don’t ever regret giving people the benefit of the doubt at first, especially in a controlled environment. 

Since I’m having another bad day, I’m not totally confident with releasing what I wrote after the end of the previous paragraph. Once I got to this point when reading over what I had already written I was like, eh maybe let’s be sure I’m in the right frame of mind and this is as innocuous as I feel it is now. We’re getting close to midnight and I need to get something out there (for no one else other than me). So, what else should I say? I need to be more confident removing myself from situations that might get me fucked up. In the end, losing my cool/breaking down is more embarrassing than excusing myself. Anyone else’s life a little chaotic right now, or is it just me? Hopefully you’re all doing good. So sorry if you’re not. I guess life is entirely about perspective. Need to work harder on changing mine to be a little more positive. It’s hard to remind myself it could be so much worse without thinking it could be the other way too! Whoever came up with the glass half full analogy… genius. 

I wish I could help everyone and make things easier for people. It’s just not possible though. I wish I could make everyone happy, or at least prevent people from getting mad at me. I guess I am so passive/afraid of people getting mad and avoid it like the plague. I really don’t like being yelled at or when people are upset with me. I know no one knows me, but if you do know me, I wouldn’t blame you if you thought otherwise. People think I don’t care about anything. I probably give off that vibe as a defense mechanism so no one can use how much I care against me. And like… sometimes I act insane and treat people poorly, so you’d be like, oh, do you really care? Well, in the moment, idk. Idk how to deal with moments of losing my cool. I guess it’s called growing up and being an adult, but I feel a little more fucked up than the average Joe. It’s getting close to midnight and I am just simply tired, so I will stop here.