Chey’s Lounge

Sometimes I feel like writing these posts is pointless, but I think it’s good to just have something that I try to do everyday that I don’t have to do. I’ve always been pretty bad at remaining accountable to myself exclusively. There’s usually some sort of outside force motivating me to do something. Most people probably feel this way. Maybe that’s why we have religion. Or at least a reason why. Maybe I’m wrong though and everyone is self-motivated from a fire burning within. I just doubt it. 

Haven’t been spending much time on the blog lately (not that I have much in the past LOL). I will get back to it a little better eventually. At least I’ve been posting consistently! You win some, you lose some, eh? Eh?? Lol. Anyways. I can’t remember if I mentioned that free tickets were acquired to ANOTHER show. This one is tomorrow. I am going to go despite uncertainty due to having taken off Monday and Wednesday this week. But oh well, Friday will be a thing too. What are they gonna do, be mad? I say this like I didn’t formally request off each of the 3 days and was approved for each without a word being said. Maybe I am accountable to my own expectations. I do not live up to them. I disappoint myself just as much as everyone else disappoints me, so I maybe it’s a me issue and I should cut everyone, including myself, some slack. I need a new job eventually. I am not fulfilled and I’d like to be! I don’t want to work hard all the time, but I do enjoy working hard sometimes. Maybe I should just become a public accountant and hope AI doesn’t decimate the field. I think I’d fare well with a busy season and then the rest of the year being chill. Maybe their busy season is two long. I think I have like 3 weeks of hard work in me every 6 months or so. Not sure if any employers are looking for that. It’s not like I enjoy slacking off, it’s that I will really push myself if needed. My baseline is still better than the average Joe. I think that’s a problem in a way. I’m not the best teacher because I get things done myself so much more easily. Can’t do everything yourself though. I may not be a good business owner because I am so bad at delegating.  

Okay enough with that. Just out here feeling #stressed. I think I may be a little stinky from sweating. Have a little headache. Probably haven’t eaten enough. Maybe I need some more water. Have to deal with it for at least like 200 minutes. Hope I can sleep it off. Another long day ahead of me tomorrow. I should probably do something this weekend since it’s the Giants bye week. I probably will not. I miss my best bud that loves a few hours away. Haven’t gone to see her in a while. I feel like all I think about when I have plans is how much I hope it all goes well enough and I get home okay. I should try to focus on enjoying the medium moments more. I can enjoy small moments and look back and feel I enjoyed some period of time, but I worry about like getting through the day too much. I guess I can try to string the moments I do enjoy together a little more, bit by bit. Maybe I’ll find it easier to enjoy a day fully. I just need to take care of myself and my body will be okay. It’s so hard. Like right now, still have the headache. But sometimes I’m afraid to eat when doing something because I don’t want to bother my belly! Need a nap for now though. Maybe not a nap. Maybe I need a full sleep. I feel warm. Wonder if it’s all the layers and hat I’m wearing. Hopefully not falling ill. I have a history of that classic ocd where I’m kinda afraid of germs. I’m much, much better than I used to be, but not perfect. Need to do a little self-lymphatic drainage massage.