Chey’s Lounge

Lay down on the chaise lounge with me.

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  • I Don’t Even Have Kids and I Feel Like There’s No Time. Not Sure How Everyone Deals With It

    My brain is once again lacking the capacity to write something substantial and cohesive, so I’m trying to think of what could be fun to just chat about for a little while. I was thinking about how I feel like I don’t have enough time to do anything besides go to work. It feels impossible to get anything done that is necessary to maintain a standard of living that meets my needs. I don’t feel like I can paint or organize even though I moved to a new place in January (it’s October 15th). It’s hard to feel like I can read or get into a good TV show because I should be doing other things that matter more. I don’t keep up with the bathroom or kitchen as much as I’d like, but compared to other people, my stuff is pretty clean. Well, kitchen is a little unorganized, but not really gross. I don’t even feel like I have time to cook for myself, so it doesn’t even matter that much! I work the night shift. Maybe that’s my issue. Maybe I have other issues and that doesn’t help them.   I’m definitely a procrastinator, maybe that’s source of the dread feeling like I have no time for anything. 

    Id love to say that I’d love to know the root of my problems, but I don’t think I do. I seem to actively avoid criticism. Not even just that, really any type of feedback. Makes me nervous. I haveee to get over that one day, but it’s so hard. I’m not in the mood to try. I’d like to avoid the uncomfortable feelings it brings to the surface at all costs, even progress, peace, and prosperity I guess! So, I avoid things, people, situations. Idk where it gets me, but it is what it is for now. I guess it’s good that I’m acknowledging it? Is that the first step to fixing a problem? 

    Surprisingly, I don’t want to think about this stuff anymore. Let’s get back to my original thought that sparked this post – I sorta miss feeling like I have the time and mental capacity to get into a good TV show. I guess our lives are a little different these days and content has been keeping pace with the changes in things like attention spans and viewing habits. Theresa were times in my life where a TV show meant a lot to me. I’m not in the mood to italicize I’m sorry, but three of my favorite shows of all time are LOST, The Leftovers, and The OA. I am literally Devastated The OA was cancelled, even 6 years later. I love a show with character development. I like seeing characters grow and just like all sides of them. I can’t help but relate to most characters, good or bad. I see the good in bad people, but I also see the bad in good people. I think I’ve discussed this a bit previously. Idk if that’s a good or bad quality. Maybe I’ll pause here for now. 

    What’s your favorite show?

  • I’m Once Again Not Entirely Sure What to Write About, so We’re Returning to the Sports Talk Because I Have Stuff Written Already

    Well, first things first, after the Monday night NFL games were said and done, I have now securely claimed second place in the family football pool. A few years ago, my brother said that you’ll probably win overall if you can average about 8 wins/week over the course of the season. That’s basically the goal/benchmark I‘very been aiming for. Obviously there’s a lot of luck involved, but there’s definitely some statistical advantages hidden out there when it comes to sports betting. I wouldn’t know specifics considering I’m nowhere near a statistician. Statistics and number crunching in sports are kinda crazy. I think there’s a ton of value to them, but I don’t think they’re the only thing that matters. I feel like the professional sports teams themselves are occasionally victims of analytics. 

    People let the numbers cloud the vision. I feel like people don’t place enough emphasis on the value of the vibe. Intangibles often get overlooked in the age of analytics. If projected benefits don’t show up on a spreadsheet, it’s hard for people who don’t get to experience the vibe firsthand to justify investing in an asset. When the stakes are so high, people want numbers to back up their decisions. I do think there are ways to sufficiently quantify intangibles so they can be used/viewed/compared with each other in a more moderns sense of the word. I personally feel you can just look at someone and determine whether or not they have that “it” factor. Maybe that’s getting a little too close to the eugenics sun if you think about it too hard. I will move on from this now. 

    People say the media market can affect a player’s mentality. I don’t really like when people talk about it because I feel like it isn’t thattt big of a deal, but just because I don’t feel that way doesn’t mean it isn’t. I don’t know zilch about anything, don’t trust me. Media, like every other variable, does have some type of effect, at least for some athletes. The big question is if the extent of the effect is calculable. 

    There are ways to account for differences in the weight the variable should hold when evaluating in comparison to others. Just because there is a low doesn’t mean it won’t lead to statistically significant changes. When it comes to professional sports, every minute detail counts. Teams invest millions of dollars in different types of research and who knows what to gain literally any kind of edge. When you are dealing with the best of the best, everything counts. I feel like I think that way in my real life, so I try my best and think about every possible angle I imagine and compare it against what I can be missing. It’s so dumb of me because the standards I’m surrounded with in my real life are, well, low. I mean, what do you expect? You’re reading a post about how I dedicate time and energy to professional sports. I feel like I’m a big dumb clown if I dedicate too much of my time and energy into doing my best when what I am doing isn’t worth my best. Unfortunately, I’m currently wearing big shoes and I have a big, squeaky, red nose. Cue the clown music! Okay, let’s not go there, let’s just focus on me being a clown for investing any, never mind so much, time into a professional sports franchise. Maybe I will write one more sports post in the near future because I still haven’t covered how a phase I’ve been in recently is looking into old franchises/the history of franchises that have moved. Because I am a clown. Honk honk! 

  • I Think You’d Definitely Believe Me if I Were to Tell You I Write Everything on my Phone

    I wrote so much for my masters on my phone it’s wild. Something about it makes writing less intimidating even though it’s probably objectively more difficult to write something cohesive on here than a laptop or a computer. Maybe I just like a challenge (not optimizing anything in my life). Maybe I’m just silly. Maybe I’m just a little mentally ill and irrational and force myself to live within the confines of my arbitrary beliefs. 

    I was going to write more about my sports confession/clean up what I had written yesterday that didn’t make the cut. The thing is, I’m just out here sitting on a train in the rain and it doesn’t feel right to not write about it and how it makes me feel, or at least what it’s making me think about. 

    I was looking in peoples yards and thinking about their lives and it made me remember something that happened in my own life and how maybe it would be funny to post about. If I were trying to be a good writer I would probably try to grab the readers’ attention with this story, but to actually grab the attention, I’d need to spoil the ending. Idk, I’m just not ready to do that yet. I like building stupid anticipation… 

    So, here we are in the middle of the post, introducing the idea of, not even starting, the story. I want to preface this with the fact that there’s not actually a great reason being on the train reminded me of it. The connection is pretty loose, but it’s obviously there in my head! Admittedly, when it comes to connections, that’s not saying much. I really be pushing the limits of logic with some of the parallels I draw. 

    Not to keep you waiting for this story coming up, but I guess I will be. I think a few posts from now I will post about how I enjoy reading similar to how I like watching sports. The reading post won’t be a confession though because I’m not obsessed with it and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Reading is good and I don’t do it nearly enough. I go through phases where I do read a lot, those are nice. Reading isn’t inherently more productive than other leisure activities, but it definitely makes the brain exercise a little bit. It at least beats a lot of the slop out there posing as entertainment these days.

    I tend to stick with books of a similar genre/theme when I get the reading bug. A few years ago, I got into mystery novels with female narrators. I had read Gone Girl and The Girl on the Train in close succession and I was looking for another book to start. My cousin had given me a suggestion. Based on that suggestion, I got myself a new book to start The Girl in the Window by Renée Pawlish. It was right on theme with what I had previously read and I really enjoyed it. Another murder mystery added to my repertoire. 

    Once I finished, I texted my cousin to let him know. I wanted to say something more substantial than I liked it, so I said something along the lines of, “I can’t believe it was XXXXXXX.” He was so confused. To make a long story short, he had actually suggested I read The Woman in the Window by A.J. Finn. I was so embarrassed but it was so funny lmao. I ended up getting that book and you know what? To this day, I haven’t been able to finish it. And The Girl in the Window was the last murder-mystery book I’ve read (completely). 

    So, the train connection, because if you read that book, you’d know there’s no central train theme. The thing is, those books I read all kind of blended together in my mind. Any main theme from one of them comes up and it makes me think of them all. Being that I was on a train, looking out the window at the rain, it definitely brought me back to that time. I decided you all need to be brought there too. That’s the loose connection to looking out the train window today, which inspired this post. I told you it was loose, don’t be mad…

    One last note on trains I want to cover. Anyone else like looking in peoples yards and making up a little life for them for a brief moment as you quickly roll by? I’ve visited a place with a pool in Florida that is on the Brightline track a few times in the past. I didn’t let this location stop me from lounging with the tittys out. That’s for sure! 

    Nothing like people watching, eh? 

  • I Have a Confession. I Like to Watch Sports 

    I almost wish I wasn’t, but I am a sucker for professional sports. It’s more capitalistic than anything, but I just can’t help but get into it all. Since the Winter Olympics are coming up more quickly than I’d like to grasp, I’m sure I’ll use some time then to talk about how much I like that. For now, I’ll focus on North American professional sports leagues and franchises. I love watching football, basketball, and baseball; in that order. I like watching hockey, too. The amount of football related content I consume on YouTube is so sick and such a waste of time. I should really be listening to more educational videos or podcasts, but I’m just into these football channels. I’ve always gone through phases of types of videos I tend to watch on YouTube. 

    Around the start of Covid, I started watching these creators talking about football, especially the Giants. Unlike most of the other phases of videos I’ve previously gone through, I’m still watching this stuff a lot. I will admit that I have slowed down a bit somewhat recently, but I still watch/listen nearly daily. If the Giants keep it up, I’ll probably be sucked back in entirely. 

    I’m not ready to talk about it, maybe I never will be… but I had to watch the giants vs eagles game this past Thursday night on my phone. That was so tragic… I mean it’s literally not that big of a deal, but I cherish the 17 games per year (since for some teams, including the one I dedicate my time and energy to, the playoffs are fleeting). I don’t understand football at a high level, but I still enjoy watching it. I’ve learned a lot over the past 5 years or so though. Despite knowing it’s ultimately a waste of time, I do almost prioritize being able to watch it. Not even just my favorite team. I think it’s an exciting sport and I enjoy watching it at all levels. I sure wish I felt that way when I was a child sitting in the bleachers at my brother’s games, but better late than never. – Shrek

    I don’t really mess around with fantasy, but I am in a pick ‘em pool. A lot of the people in it are people I know, which is the source of most of the fun for me. I’m currently tied for second place in the pool. Last year, I was in a few random pools because no one I knew was able to get it going in time by the time people realized what was happening the past few years wasn’t going to be happening that year. 

    I was so happy to have my family one again. I didn’t really care about the pools I was in last year, which is funny considering how desperate I was to find an alternative once I found out the OG pool was kaputz. I scoured the Internet far and wide for a pool to join. I ended up joining 2. In my moment of desperation, I haphazardly joined the first one that seemed suitable enough. In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have, but I knelt looking for pools and found a different one. One would argue I should’ve just joined this other I found, if one had a brain. And one would be correct. Oh well. i joined both and I wasn’t even that into it though. It turns out I like it so much better when I know at least some of the people. Maybe some lesson in that feeling, perhaps something to reflect on…… in the future. Maybe I’m competitive with certain people, but not severely over all. I need to be around a certain crowd to fully enjoy something or to reach my full potential, at least at this point in my life. I feel like most people feel this way, so I don’t feel too bad about it being true, just bad about not taking the sentiment seriously enough. Anyways, we’re getting offtrack. This one is definitely back to being a little longer. I think I’ll save the rest of what I’ve written for another day. Maybe this 3-day block of posts that are vaguely related, at least title-wise, will be focused on sports. Not to be some random lazy, inexperienced schmuck with an opinion no one cares about on a topic I’m not even close to an expert on, but I definitely have my fair share of sports takes. I think in general, sports are pretty low-stakes and it’s not a big deal if you share an uninformed, or fundamentally flawed opinion. It’s not going to lead to any geopolitical tensions or anything. Well, I guess you never know…

  • Not Quite as Short. Wouldn’t Say Long Though

    What am I supposed to believe about literally anything? It’s so FRUSTRATING. I’m gonna try to ignore that right now though. It’s soooo hard to not get angry over things I can’t change. I wish there wasn’t so much stupidity in my vicinity lately. It’s driving me positively bonkers! I’m sure you can tell by my lack of depth the past two posts. I literally didn’t have the mental bandwidth available to think about anything. My brain and body were basically pleading with me, begging on hands and knees for me to turn my brain off. The only way out of a situation is through. Or to die. And I don’t really want to die before my mom, so I just gotta get through this stuff for now. 

    There are literally so many people going through hard times right now. Countless people’s lives are going haywire right now. I know there’s so much I don’t know, but one thing I do know is there’s a lot of pain out there in the world right now. Sometimes when I’m feeling pain (emotional), I kinda do wish the worst for people in the moment. Trying to stop doing that so much, but I am simply bursting with both love and hate. And sometimes they just be flying out of all of my orifices. Once I settle down, I usually am able to be more even keeled, but there’s a lot of times I simply go bananas. Those times do coincide with when I am going through a few tough things at a time. I’m really not one of gods strongest soldiers, I can handle a tough-ish battle, but I can’t keep going and going. I don’t have a lot of stamina. I can deal with one crisis pretty well, but once more stuff starts getting thrown at me, things can start to get a little out of control. I can ultimately handle it, but oftentimes it is extremely poorly. I’m not sure what the definition of “handling it” really is. I get through it, just like most people get through things. Most people don’t die everyday, so they be getting through it. 

    To be honest, I got a little off track here. I was going to tie in not knowing things with what’s going on in the crypto world right now. I know that I don’t know enough about leverage to use it as a trading strategy. I probably wouldn’t use it even if I did. I’m generally pretty risk averse. Unless, of course, I’m not thinking straight. Then I’m quite risk tolerant. Crypto is just something I don’t know enough about to invest in. I definitely would never invest in shit coins, I don’t want to gamble in that way. Most things in love kind of come down to being a gamble though… do you agree?

  • Well it’s Another Shorty Out Here

    And that shorty ain’t me. It’s this post. I still feel tired. Slightly less nauseous, but now that I’m thinking about it, it’s coming back LOL. I need a beta blocker or something idk… One of the topics I want to eventually discuss is difference between theory and application. Either can be more or less complex than the other. 

    I’ve written a lot about public sector management. I won’t bore you with the details of my humanistic theory of management contingent on individual employees. I like reading about different theories. It’s nice to see the framework in which some people think. Once it is time to apply… all bets are off. Theory versus application. Woof. Theory with no application behind it is riddled with glamorization and idealization. What does it say about people who offer up too much grace? Is there such a thing? I think so, because by offering an unfair amount of leeway to one person, you are robbing others. You need to keep the whole in mind. It’s really hard to balance everything. I guess I should offer our government some grace in trying to deal with an insane balancing act. Maybe not though. Maybe…

  • A Short One

    Sometimes things just aren’t good. If they’re not good and you can’t handle it, that’s okay. Hopefully it’ll change. I feel a little sick right now. Not from germs though. I think I cried too much today and now I’m nauseous. I hate feeling nauseous.

  • What Are We All Waiting For?

    Here we are again, time to write a little post. I think today’s will be short because I’m trying to map out ideas for the future. As I’ve said before, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and attempting to map in my head. While this has yielded some success in my life, I probably could’ve performed better and/or gone further if I dedicate myself to committing to putting in more… physical effort. I’ve successfully completed tasks based primarily off of ideas that didn’t leave my head until they were basically entirely planned out. I think this type of thinking is really important for my overall thought process, but I don’t think I’d be hindering myself by writing more things down. I’m able to visualize a workflow/the order steps should be followed pretty well, but i may be limiting myself by relying on that. I’m not sure what I could be missing if I were to look at the flow physically written out. Maybe I can commit more brain power to figuring more out rather than keeping the thoughts straight. Considering the amount of thoughts I have, I’m probably missing out on something somewhere by doing this. Going to start physically mapping out my goals more. I don’t feel like I’m extraordinary, but I feel like I’m on the cusp. If I were to self-rate my competency level, I feel like I can out perform 85-90% of the general population if I put my mind to something. I just have to find something to put my mind to. I feel like if my life continues down the same trajectory then I will be stuck in mediocrity. I don’t have any kids, I really should be dedicating myself to making the world better. I can fail a few times at something and still end up okay. I wonder if knowing when to give up on something is as important as knowing when to push through. What do you think? Is it beneficial to not know when it’s time to give up? I think perhaps sometimes. 

  • Maybe There’s Something Natural That Could Help Out There? 


    Maybe I want to do too many things, and it’s paralyzing. It’s scary to start new things. Even when I put my mind to something, it just all feels silly and not worthwhile, and then I’m left just as or even more confused than before. I guess I’ll keep doing this despite, or perhaps in spite, of that feeling. 

    All of the uncertainty that surrounds me is upsetting my belly. More than likely, I’ll keep ignoring/dealing with it. I’m not sure what else there is to do but treat the symptoms at this point. I’ve always been a little averse to treating symptoms, and then something happened in my life that exacerbated that sentiment, but in a different way. We’ll go over that one day, perhaps. I’ve sorta felt like maybe one needs to suffer a little. Maybe you shouldn’t take something for every headache. Idk if that’s really doing me any good, but it is what it is. I was talking to a friend about the belly blues I’ve been experiencing, and she asked if I’ve tried anything natural. I’m considering looking into it to see if I can find anything. I’d probably feel more comfortable treating symptoms with something natural versus a pharmaceutical. Don’t ask me to provide any evidence to support why I’d feel that way; I don’t have it. 

    Sometimes there’s really no logic behind why I think/feel a certain way. It’s frustrating because even when I come to this realization, I can’t shake feeling the way I do. It makes me feel so illogical and like all those things they say about women are true. Then I remember just how many people definitely have no logic behind their thoughts and never even come to the realization that’s the case. Well, never say never. It’s crazy how you just don’t know what you don’t know. I do wonder how many people feel like they know it all or have it all figured out. Maybe the key to having it figured out is just believing you do because nothing is real? 

    On the topic of nothing being real… I like telling stories. I don’t know if I’m good at it, but I love a good story. Basically, all stories have a little fiction to them because our memories are imperfect. I learned that in a class called Historians’ Craft. I really thought recording devices would change the game forever and the truth will forever be known, but AI has put a wrench in that, for now at least. I definitely like to tell stories about things that have happened, but I do enjoy writing fiction too. I can’t help but put a lot of my real life into whatever little works of fiction I half-heartedly write up and inevitably abandon. Maybe writing so many thoughts regarding my real life will open up some space in my mind to come up with some stories. 

    I wish I were a better writer. At least instead of just wishing, I’m actually doing something about it right now and am practicing daily. I’m not sure how much I’m getting out of the way I’m doing it, but whatever, it is what it is for now. It doesn’t need to be great, I just want it to be something. To practice and just for consistency’s sake. I want to do things that may be hard. I’m not really great at that, so I just need to start somewhere, even if it is a little silly and not really hard. I’ve always allowed what people say to dictate what I do a lot. I wish I wasn’t in the part of the population that just listens and does whatever I’m told, but I kinda am. I don’t think listening to others has done me much good. I don’t think listening to myself has either LOL. I think sometimes I take people’s suggestions as commands. And when I say I think, I mean I know. The worst is when I resent them for it. Like, girl, you have agency, just do what you want. I don’t know what I want though!! I’m just sensitive and unsure, and it’s reflected in my belly issues. 

  • I Wonder if You’ve Noticed I Have a Bad Habit of Not Proofreading. Room for Growth… Not Growing Today

    It’s Monday and I already just feel like it’s a sad and useless week. I need to turn that attitude around, but it feels hard. I need to eat better and exercise more I guess, that helps a little bit. It’s just hard to feel I belong anywhere. Apparently everyone belongs somewhere, but idk. It feels like that’s not the case, but maybe I’m just having a bad day. I feel like I want to just be in a ball. I feel bad for it. Everyone is like you gotta talk to people xoxo but who really wants to listen to someone’s problems? Especially if it’s all of the same ones over and over with little actually being done to address them. It’s kinda hard to address some of our problems though, isn’t it? Like sometimes our issues are super connected to other things and/or contingent. I think health insurance is my biggest roadblock to taking a leap and trying something new. I just am nervous about it and don’t know how it works. I really don’t want to deal with anything regarding it, so I’m essentially stuck at my job. Maybe I need something to be the push to get me out of here. It’s not even that bad. However, it is not a place where I’ll ever be able to thrive or see any lasting value resulting from my work. Maybe I should try to study math. It’s so hard to choose! And as we know from multiple previous posts, it’s impossible to be a master of all trades and no one really cares about Jack. I guess I see why. It’s hard to focus deeply on so many things so like I get the niche thing. We ideally want to do fewer things better. But how do you find what you are best at and where you add the most value? Do I even care about what other people value? What am I supposed to do? I don’t really want to work a minimum wage job, but I certainly see a need for competent people to fill those positions. But like of course we can’t find competent people to on minimum wage, how can they focus on work when they’re trying to survive? Idk what to do. I feel like there’s a problem with too many people at the top having too much and it’s tricking down everywhere. Of course no one wants to dedicate themselves to a job for pennies when the employer doesn’t care about the employee at all. All they think about is their margins and maximizing their time. They see you as a less than normie who slaves away for them. And the. They complain about their employees lol. It’s so funny because they also try to maximize their returns while minimizing inputs, that’s their whole thing, isn’t it? Like I’m just so angry I can’t handle it. 

    I just feel so mad at everything and everyone and I don’t understand why everyone else cannot play by the rules because life isn’t fair but then they judge others who also don’t. Like damn man. Is AI even stealing jobs? Or is it an excuse to cut more employees since everything just sucks anyway and they’ve realized we all just tolerate it because we are stuck in this system and if anyone tries to break it they will probably be stopped, violently. lol jk hahaha… unless? I want to be someone who makes things better, but I don’t exactly know where to start. I guess my start is writing about it and organizing my thoughts more rather than just ruminating over it all. Need to start ruminating over things that actually provide value… So, how do we start that? Idk. I’ve been thinking about how to like make an adequate amount of money without feeling sad about it in some way. I don’t know if I could be a business owner, idk if I have that consistent killer instinct that you need. Well, that I think you need. You need if anyone else in your market has it, otherwise you’re toast. Might be talking about things idk about here… but maybe not. If you can’t beat them, join them? Idk. I just don’t want to fail at something stupid. If I’m gonna do something with a high rate of failure, I’d want it to at least be in the name of a valiant cause. 

    I don’t want to sell things for the sake of selling or making a sale, I would want to because the product or service provides value beyond the price. Or like at least some value at all. I don’t want to sell a fix to a made up problem and I would want the “selling”aspect to feel like I’m genuinely helping someone if they were to make the purchase, not just my wallet.