Very busy today. Not with anything really, just resting, coloring, etc. Having an okay day today I guess, I can’t really complain too much. Im trying not to. Need to invest my time and money better. Complaining isn’t a great investment and not 100% cathartic 100% of the time, so then there’s really no point. I totally get why people hate complaints, but there really is so much to complain about and so many things that can go wrong! Speaking of going wrong, I’m in a bit of a meeting type thing right now to make the best of something that has gone a way I wish it wouldn’t! Nothing is over til the fat lady sings, but it’s feeling a little close to the curtains closing.
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I saw a lady on the internet doing Chinese movements to boost her energy. It reminded me of like those videos of Chinese classrooms. Those East Asians are onto something!
It’s been years since I’ve caught a whiff of a White Castle burger, but I think I just got one before. That stuff smells like it’s gonna upset your stomach. How delicious!
Small paragraph type of night tonight. Probably gonna be a little post overall. Still don’t have much to say about Venezuela. I’ve been enjoying coloring, watching tv, and playing with Legos lately. I need to put these new Legos away. I need to get my old Legos from my parents and put them somewhere else. May need to take someone up on a storage unit offer soon. Although I didn’t do anything today, it was really the first day in the latest timeframe where I can start going to get my stuff from point A. Just lazy and still having some uncertainty with point B. A long first half of the year is ahead of me. We’re gonna get through it one month at a time. That’s what we do, one month, week, day, hour, minute, or second at a time. I’m personally a big fan of 5-minute increments. Nothing like having 2 hours left of something and writing out the time in 5-minute intervals so you can cross them out as the time elapses.
Just wanted to say, I have not been walking enough so far this year. I’m doing better today, but not great! Maybe I need to go to the Southern Hemisphere for a solid start to the new year. Not happening this year, so I guess I better make the most of what I’m working with here. That’s all we can do!!! Get through the moments while making the most of them! Need to devote more of my energy to being thankful. It’s easiest to feel thankful when I get to look at beautiful scenery and make/eat good food. Maybe I should work on making that more of my reality. Maybe I can buy a little cabin within 250 miles of me one day. Maybe I should pivot to that and skip the storage unit. That’s still a long drive for a gal that doesn’t love long drives these days. I wish life was a little more about doing what we love rather than what we have to do. Maybe we don’t need all this free time. Maybe I have all the time I need and I’m just a stupid idiot. Idk! Will chat soon.
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Hello ladies and gentlemen. You’re not going to believe it. I’m feeling tired again. I have a valid reason, though… this time. I did a pretty decent amount of cooking today. I made chicken tikka masala, rice, and naan. It takes so long to make it all, but I persevere because it’s fun and good. I am a white woman and I don’t normally wash my chicken; however, I do wash it if I’m making a non-white people-inspired dish. Idk, it just feels right in my heart to give it a little rinse and scrub with a lemon or lime in that case. Idk if it makes sense, but that’s what I’m going to do. I honestly would’ve skipped this step if what happened to me after had happened before (I micro-planned the knuckle on my finger while grating ginger). What else went wrong? Well, I didn’t burn the rice, but some definitely browned and stuck to the bottom of the pan because of the residual heat coming off the pan I was using to cook the naan. I have to be honest, I used some ghee to try to help break it up a little, and it tasted really good. It’s a completely different culture’s cuisine, but the rice has inspired me to perhaps try making tahdig (crispy Persian rice). Maybe I should clarify that I made my rice today by using butter, onion, and garlic that I browned the rice in before adding chicken stock. Good stuff. Anyway.
Things change, life happens, you gotta keep going forward and can’t look back too long because it simply does not matter. If thinking about the past could change it, I’m sure there would be a lot of heartbroken mothers who would be able to manifest their lost child or something. But there aren’t. So there isn’t. For now at least! Speaking of for now… we’re currently in the midst of the last football game of the regular NFL season. I can entirely believe my favorite team had the season they did. Big game tonight. Maybe there are no big games and it’s all rigged. Maybe it’s not even considered rigged because it’s all for entertainment. That’s life, baby.
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What if I fall asleep and don’t wake up before I’m supposed to post? Well, then I guess I would post it when I wake up! Before I went to sleep last night, I saw a post on X (a tweet) about a spike in the Pentagon pizza index. I wondered if anything was happening, but nothing else unusual was coming up on my feed and it was late, so I didn’t really remember it after going to sleep and waking up. Once I woke up, I saw the news that the U.S. is bombing Venezuela and taking Maduro. It took me a few minutes to remember the post, but once I did, I was like, oh shoot. Not sure how I feel about all of this, but it seems like this is illegal to do without congressional approval and like a violation of Venezuelan sovereignty. There is no peace in Westphalia!
I need to see what else unfolds in the next 36 hours or so before I feel like I can fully comment. I am suspicious of what’s happening and whether or not Trump and Maduro are secretly friends. That’s an unfounded thought, but I haven’t been able to shake it all day. I’m suspicious of what’s happening with Russia, China, and Iran had going on there and the extent it has influenced the current events. I am not sure what will happen politically. I’m not sure if I’ll know what’s happening is actually what happened/if it was orchestrated to happen that way, etc.
Well, I’m tired xx
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You know what they say, early bird gets the worm. I was up too early today. I didn’t get anything done. You know what they say, closed mouths don’t get fed. My mouth is partially open. I’m not getting fed. My hands are dry, yet I’m hardly moisturizing. I need a nap, but I want to stay awake. I don’t have to. That’s not good. It’s so hard to know things. It’s so hard when you aren’t sure if you know things. It’s somehow hardest when you realize you were right. And it makes you trust your gut more, but you just don’t want to.
I started saving Snapchat memories and then deleting them from there so I know what I saved. I am a little sad about it, but I’m not trying to pay for an app I hardly use when I’ve had it for free for 10+ years. I’m not sure why I want to hold onto those memories. Memories can always be… adjusted. Even before Photoshop, they’ve had their ways to paint a different picture, manipulate the photograph, remove or replace any person or thing. I need to put away the Christmas stuff. I need to clean. I need to read more. I just haven’t been able to get into a book again since the last one about the submarine. I’m afraid of the state of the job market. No one is safe, nothing is 100% stable. All you can do is react accordingly. No one is perfect. Are people really ambidextrous? I’m suspicious. I think it’s just lefties in disguise or righties with weird parents/adults in their lives. I’ve never gotten a professional massage. I have gotten some acupuncture. Why is greed part of human nature? Oh to be a human and included. Oh to be excluded. Oh to be. Oh.
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You need to let go. You need to hold on. You need to learn to be okay. Some people change. Some people stay the same. Sometimes we learn things that change how we feel. Sometimes how we feel changes how we learn things. Some people will never like you, and you have to accept that. You will not like some people, and you have to accept that. The winter is cold, but some things wait until spring to die. We need to learn when to fight and when to let go. Sometimes we need to focus on balance and other times on strength. I want to be better, but I don’t want to feel discontentment with myself. I’m sorry to those going through awful things, but I’m also sorry to those dealing with something small. I want to feel better. I just need to try harder. I need to stop worrying. I need to just do what I need to do and be happy. I wish I didn’t feel like the world would be better and that people would feel happier if I didn’t exist. I wish I wasn’t so self-centered to think that I’m more than a blip in most people’s lives. I have no idea what people do with their time. I don’t do much with mine. I wish I didn’t feel like I’m not enough and I don’t do enough. I wish I could feel comfortable. I wish I were better at being normal. I’m glad I’m not sure if I’m a total freak or not. I will be better at connecting with people who don’t mind me. I will try to be more positive. I will be happier being me. I will try to get healthier.
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Omg I had an epiphany. I know what I can write about today. New Year’s resolutions! I’d love a new year revolution, but I’m gonna actually be careful what I wish for because I don’t know what the grass looks like in the other side and it may be worse than just a little brown and unkempt. It could be a nuclear wasteland. Not to get off topic, but I guess that’s why mutually assured destruction (MAD) is a dying theory. We can’t rely on rational deterrence if we end up with irrational actors. I don’t really know what would happen if a country with nuclear weapons fell or if there were a coup. What would the international community do? Is it just something that wouldn’t happen? I mean, it has to eventually. I would be the most ignorant person on this side of the cucumber if I were to suggest the way the world is now is how it will be forever. It’s possible that I am the most ignorant person in the world regardless of that, but whatever! You never know anything for sure.
So, the new year. I haven’t really given much thought to any possible resolutions. I’m always just nervous things can get worse… maybe I need to make some connections with these posts. Like yesterday saying I feel like what I think becomes reality… I need to try to change the way I think and see what may be happening. You don’t learn very much if you’re not looking for anything. I guess a resolution can be to be more intentional. I feel like I almost try to wade through life apathetically. That’s probably not great. I guess it could be worse… maybe not, to some people.. Anyway! I guess I just want to try to kept up with my goals from this past year that I feel are worthwhile. I don’t remember many, but I know I wanted to walk everyday and try my best to get to 10K steps a day and then of course I came up with the goal to post here everyday for 6 months. I’m over halfway through and I think there’s a very good chance I’ll be able to keep it up. One thing I was wondering before is what will come next? Anything? Maybe I’ll just keep it going? Maybe once a week? Maybe never again? It could go any way. Basically anything can go anyway! How scary… wait, let’s reframe the thoughts, how exciting! Not at all intimidating! Just gonna try to keep my mind more open and cook more. To try to forget. What about you?
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Another day is passing by and I haven’t accomplished much of anything! I guess the birds and the possums don’t judge themselves this harshly, so why should I? Well, for all I know, possums are constantly trying to kill themselves because they’re embarrassed to be alive, so maybe they are. What do I know? Not much! You know what show was good and ended in a good timespan and on a high note? BoJack Horseman. Any shows like that on right now? I feel like everything is so surface level right now because so much is created by people keenly aware of the fact people will be multitasking when watching.
It’s so hard to just truck on through life. Perspective changes everything, but it’s hard to change your perspective. I wish I wasn’t bothered by certain noises. Sometimes I think about how my mom said her dad hated the sounds my dad makes while eating. I really liked my grandpa even though he died when I was like 3 or 4. I think it was because of mesothelioma that metastasized to the brain. It’s kinda interesting how some people are raised by their grandparents and others are born long after all of their grandparents passed away. I hate when I have thoughts that make me feel like I’m going to jinx myself. I try to push it out of my mind, like not acknowledge the thought so it doesn’t exist. Thoughts don’t usually just go away if you try to do that though, so that’s not great. To avoid jinxing myself, I try not to even comprehend the thought. And if I do, I definitely try my best not verbalize it. I hate the way I feel like I speak things into existence. I hate the way that I can’t get over it once it happens! I fucking can’t stand the way people go, “ahh” after drinking something like wtf it’s really not necessary 99% of the time. Maybe I just hate the sounds of people enjoying their lives. That’s probably true. Like ever since elementary school I have hated group clapping. Like being in a gym with a bunch of people and everyone starts clapping along to music. Can’t stand that shit lol. Can’t stand being in the loop, can’t stand being out of the loop. Okay that’s enough weird complaints for today probably!
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I don’t even know if I’m going to be able to post this on time today. There’s no service where I am right now. Let’s see if anything pops up before midnight. If not, this will be an hour or 2 late. Not too bad, really. I don’t even have anything to say today/right now. I do think people who wear masks still are smart. Getting sick stinks and I definitely think a mask helps at least a bit. I really don’t think it’s hurting anyone or anything. Except maybe the environment. Who cares about that these days anyway? If we did, anyone whose job can be done from home should be working from home.
You’d think I’d have a long post considering the lack of internet/cell service in general. I’d think so too! We’re all wrong though. I have nothing to say! I should go back to my old list. Definitely not today. Maybe another day. Maybe I should risk getting arrested and go grab some strangers flabbies. Maybe I should get arrested and just cook in jail/prison. Maybe I should just get a job as a line cook before I go there. It was so nice to have a few days with nothing to do so I had the time, energy, and motivation to cook. Love that. Want more of it! Anyway, this post is officially delayed due to no fault of my own (for once!). My bad though! Here’s a yo mama joke to make it up to you all.
Your mommas so fat she’s never been late in her life because of the way her gravity bends space time.
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Towards the end of yesterday’s post, I said I’d write more tomorrow. I’m kinda tired and not entirely in the mood to write about my pasta pie, so we’ll see what comes of this post. I can’t believe reality arrives at my doorstep once again tomorrow. I’ve been enjoying having no responsibilities besides cooking what I’m in the mood to cook. I want to make bread. I may make pizza dough instead; we’ll see. I think the only bad thing about cooking is dirty dishes, but it’s not the worst thing.
I’m in the running for first again in my football pool this week. The person currently in first for the season only has 2 wins so far this week. If only I had one or two fewer weeks where I totally sucked. Rats! Tbh, I haven’t even been trying to pick strategically the past few weeks (where I’ve been doing well). I’ve just kinda gone with my heart and had the discipline to not make any changes lol. It’s definitely possible I don’t win this week, but it’s nice to be in the running. Makes you realize why gambling is such a good way to make money. As the house. Not as the gambler LOL. I’m trying to gauge whether or not I actually do have the strength to write about my pasta pie. Idk why I just don’t. I really didn’t do that much today. Boiled some pasta, reheated the sauce, made some béchamel, and then put that ziti pie together. I topped it with mozzarella and cooked it. It came out okay. It tasted very good, but I still haven’t perfected removing it in a solid slice. I did a borderline adequate job with 1 out of 3. Okay, one last thing. I think I vaguely mentioned the spices used. For fresh herbs, I used a tiny bit of parsley, sage, thyme, rosemary, and marjoram. I used some dried oregano and added two bay leaves. I used a cinnamon stick and Ceylon cinnamon, nutmeg, and all spice (sound familiar? Ode to our apple butter). I also had a parmigiana cheese rind in there. There’s also salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, garlic powder, and onion powder. There’s also the béchamel. For that, I used butter, flour, milk, nutmeg, fresh ground white pepper, and some parm. I ended up speaking on the cooking enough, I’d say!
Here’s my bundle of fun.
