Gets the oil. I don’t get much oil, but I, like many others, have potential. Ugh, thinking about this one time something happened and I needed surgery on my wrist. Health insurance and car insurance were involved. I didn’t realize that the anesthesiologist who performed the surgery billed the wrong insurance. I didn’t realize. Insurance company did, eventually. Guess it’s a little suspicious when a patient has nothing billed but anesthesia. Like yes, if I could be on those drugs whenever I felt like it, I would. Don’t let me become a celebrity! Anyway, somehow this bill ended up in collections and omg. The way this woman who was calling me for the creditor was NEVER getting me to pay that shit. I said I’d pay directly. Not allowed, like okay lady, why are you wasting your time with me. I referred her to my lawyer and never heard from her again. I definitely should’ve done that before getting into a verbal ruckus. Oh well! I am very into doing what is right. Definitely someone who understands why people act based on principles. I wish everyone felt the same. Idk why, but I don’t feel motivated to write anymore today. Toodaloo!
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Maybe I’m not drinking enough water?
Still feeling under the weather. I’m sad about it. Is what it is. Lots of action in the world this weekend. I must say, the Brown University incident reaffirms my belief law enforcement/government actively doesn’t like people wearing masks in public. It’s too easy to hide. I feel like you can only hide for so long. How many ring cameras are there around? I think one would need to go into a wooded area or something and have a bag with a change of clothes and then leave a different way. I think one would need to change their gait to best maintain deniability. I guess another thing one would could do is stuff their jacket to try to look fatter. Then emerge from the woods a skinny kweeng. On a similar note, perhaps wear a pair of shoes that gives a little extra height, have fake hair, I mean, those people who got the politicians were in pretty realistic masks. Not sure how to get something like that on the down low. Not that I’m trying to commit a crime. I don’t think I have the patience or discipline to thoroughly plan through something like that. And why am I doing it? What’s my motivation? I’m not close to neurotic enough to kill over an ideology, that’s for sure! I don’t really want to go to prison. Sounds pretty bad and sad. Speaking of bad and sad, today, I keep seeing this Daisy sour cream commercial where a lady dips a strawberry in sour cream. That seems really weird, I don’t think I like that.
I want to write one more paragraph, but not sure what to write about. I just have this one big boi here. I wish I could just be different. I feel so judged all the time and it’s so annoying. And I’m just so easily annoyed. No one really likes being around people like that. I feel like people are on eggshells around me. I know people lie to me. I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t like being lied to but I am too crazy to deserve honesty I guess. Maybe I should move to Florida. I have no idea what I’d do as a job. Can you tell I’m very lost lately! No one’s going to find me. I feel like maybe I need a profoundly large change of scenery in my life. Idk. I just don’t think I make the people around me feel very good and in turn it just makes me feel not very good about myself and then I make other people feel worse. It’s a viscous cycle I feel I’ve been locked into for about a year or so. It’s just hard to go through hard times. I know no one cares, that’s why I’m just writing about it into the void. I guess this is enough for a second paragraph. I’m so sick of feeling like a disappointment and that I have no agency. I guess I do have agency despite the way I feel. Some people just go out and get things in life. I don’t think I’ll ever be one of those people. I think I’m just destined to remain at the beck and call of others to my own detriment to the point where others don’t even want to be around me. Not sure how selfish I should be, feels like I already am.
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The juices are NOT flowing today. I don’t feel any better than I did yesterday. I need like a massage or something probably. My body is lost within itself. It can’t figure out how to heal! Maybe I’m being dramatic and delusional right now. That’s okay. Another day where I don’t have much to say. My lymph nodes feel like there’s frozen peas up in them! Not great! I guess my body is trying to get this stuff out. Maybe I’m not doing enough to help it. Anyone have any tips or tricks for feeling better/recovering? I got Indian food today because I wanted to try my best to get something I’d actually be able to taste. It worked! Thank you to the subcontinent.
anyways. So yeah, not much to say. The New York Football Giants are quite a terrible team. Quite tragic, if I do say so myself. And you all know that I know tragedy, as confirmed by William Shakespeare in a dream that I never had. I built a Lego Christmas tree tonight. Maybe I’ll post a pic tomorrow. Maybe not. It’s not very impressive, a child could do it. In fact, a child should do it. Let’s give it up for the Cowboys for never giving up. I wish they would win the NFC East this year. Not likely.
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I’m generally living in a state of constant embarrassment. I literally have not one clue how to not. I’m very self-conscious and I’m ashamed that I feel such a way! It doesn’t really help much of anything. Throwback to talking about needing balance. I think it’s healthy and necessary for social creatures living in society to have shame, but I think the brain maybe takes it a little too far. It takes a lot of things too far. And fast. Sometimes it’s kinda fun though. I can definitely keep you on your toes!
People can always tell when I’m getting overwhelmed. I think maybe that’s good, gives them the signal to back down bc this bitch about to blow oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh – Kesha. I feel like now is a good time to mention that I’ve had this one post title idea in my head for a while, but I don’t know if the timing will ever be right, “Fist in the Stink”. Maybe one day the stars will align.
Looks like the Knicks may get to the NBA Cup Finals. They’re up by 10 with 1:02 left in the 4th quarter. They did it. Wow, nice. Idk if they’ll win it all. Anything can happen. Good for them. Extra games, how lucky are we fans. Knicks basketball. Anyone here a basketball fan? Lakers? Nuggets?
Watching the Puff Diddler doc finally. He’s definitely a sinister man. I feel bad for some of these people involved. I truly can’t imagine how fucking lit those parties were though. Like, will anyone that close to the visible public eye ever throw something close to a Diddy party again? I’ll never know what it’s like. Unless..? Money definitely loves the company of evil. I just don’t know if I have it in me to be The Boss. Sounds like The Bosses get what they want in life though. Do you agree with the Machiavellian ideology? I just will always think of the means to the end.
Congested today, btw.
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What to write about today? Trying to gauge how much I’m up to taking on. Definitely feeling better, but not great. Maybe I’ll just sit on the toilet for a few minutes and write something. I am so ready for bed. I need to start to think about what I’m going to do again. I was getting to it and then I sort of fell off. And now this past week I’ve accomplished basically nothing. I’m making it through, though. That’s gotta count for something, right?
My nose is a little stuffy right now. That’s a new development. I really don’t know exactly what I have. Not the worst thing in the world, but really not ideal at all. I have that little germ issue, if you remember, so it’s extra annoying for me. I get stressed out that I’m going to get someone else sick. So annoying. I took 7 showers in a two-day time period. Not because of the germ thing. I felt significantly better after showering, but I think the hot water was mad at me by the end. Did you know I’ve never changed a diaper? No real desire to, but probably something I should’ve asked a cousin for permission to do with one of their kids just to try it out. I hate rules that make no sense. I like to follow rules, so it pisses me off when it’s just stupid. I hate the litigious society we’ve developed. We need accountability, not schemes and scams.
Change is hard. Even when it’s good. That’s so confusing. People are so weird. I am definitely a person. I don’t feel like it a lot of the time, but it’s true. I’m in this life like everyone else. How tragic. Maybe it’s not tragic. Idk. Ugh. I need the night to end! I wish I weren’t so easily overwhelmed.
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Once again feel too ill to write much. I feel better than yesterday at least. In the mood to feel very good LOL. Oh well, it’s okay. It’s life. Kinda wish I had a slice of pizza right now. I guess that’s good bc I absolutely was not interested in a slice yesterday. My throat wasn’t hurting initially, but it’s kinda starting to now. Kinda interesting considering I feel like getting sick usually starts with that. I was kinda sick a lot as a kid. Maybe not a ton, but it felt like more than a lot of other kids. I definitely did not have perfect attendance in school. It was so much easier in college when it’s just a class at a time. Workin g from home… too good, only need to take off if you feel like how I felt yesterday. I should move to a different country maybe.
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too ill to write today. Ew
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I was not aware Brain from Arthur is Senegalese. I’ve been pretty into writing lists lately. I wrote a list of chores I needed/should complete a while ago (I will not elaborate on exactly when “a while” is). I still haven’t done some of the things on that list, and there are a few I did do that are already due to be done again ASAP. I wish I worked 15-20 hours a week so badly… oh to have a job and work a little. What a joy that would be. I think. Maybe I just wish I could work when I want to. Like, I think I’d be into needing to complete 49 hours of work during the week. In reality, I’d actually be working a lot more if I was expected to work all of those 40 hours I choose. It’s not like I work every minute I am at work now, so if I was actually working diligently during those chosen 40 hours, there would be a significant increase in my productivity. I almost am talking myself out of thinking that’s a good idea LOL.
I also think I kinda maybe wish I had a whiteboard or chalkboard at home. I’m in the mood to look at and organize school supplies. Speaking of organizing. I need another shoe rack, but I’m not really sure where this one should go. I need to get rid of some shoes, but even if I do… I still need more space. There’s this one room I do have access to that I may be able to make space in. May set up some bookshelves in there. Would be a good space for the shoes (compared to everywhere else).
Is there anything to do with space in the middle of a room? I need a feng shui expert immediately. Maybe like an L-shaped desk? Maybe a little thing that comes down from the ceiling? What type of thing? No further questions, please. I don’t have much time to type because I was watching Knicks vs Raptors on my cellular device. I was thinking about not paying as much attention (I wasn’t paying that much attention to start with) since they were ahead most of the game, but after last season and simply due to being a New York Football Giants fan, I know that no lead is safe. No game is secured until the buzzer goes off, and even then… you have to make sure no shot that went off in time falls into the basket. Even though I wasn’t confident the lead was safe, I would certainly prefer to see them up 15 than down 15. Okay. Will chat soon.
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I finally responded to all 3 comments I’ve been meaning to respond to. I haven’t sat in bed in the morning and thought about my values again since that first time. I have a handful of things I either need to do or resign myself to never doing. I can’t remember if I previously talked about a post I saw on the internet about how some people are really tired because they have all of these open loops their brain is worried about and cycling through. I need to close some loops, but if you can imagine for someone with a lot open… it’s hard!
I only have a few minutes left for tonight’s post. I had a busy day today even though I don’t think I got much done. So much more to do. I need to do stuff at old home and new home and work and then I need to apparently do things I like to do so I feel like life is worth living. Things just happen in life and you just gotta roll with it. Like, sometimes your dog just becomes a paraplegic. Not much you can do about it. You can get rid of it, I guess. Can’t just dump all of your issues though. You know what you can do? Take a little stroll. I prefer to stroll outside at a nice temperature. I feel tired. I know I have more in the tank if needed, but I really need to be motivated to tap into that reservoir. I guess the solution is to fill up the tank. Feels hard to fill up these days. Do you agree, or am I just a little bitch?
