Chey’s Lounge

Lay down on the chaise lounge with me.

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  • Books be Big, Boys!

    I haven’t been as stressed and overwhelmed today as I had been feeling most of the past few weeks. I haven’t really recovered any brain capacity, but I don’t feel my brain actively overheating, so maybe that will come in time. That is, of course, as long as the stress stays at this more manageable level. I’m  about 1/3 of the way through my book. I may as well divulge the title, it isn’t really an embarrassing book. It’s called Shadow Divers: The True Adventure of Two Americans Who Risked Everything to Solve One of the Last Mysteries of World War II by Robert Kurson. I’m enjoying it so far. 

    When I was younger, I’d feel like nearly every book I read was my favorite book. I really enjoy when I’m able to get into something. I’m not one of those people who never does, but sometimes I fool myself into thinking I’m too busy to read. That excused worked when I was in school, but right now, there’s really no excuse to not be reading a book. Well, I think I may have just realized why I haven’t been reading as much lately. I am technically in the middle of a different book, but it’s more dense than I’m accustomed to for a leisurely read. I feel like I need to be in the right headspace to read it. Another thing… I don’t love reading multiple books at a time. (I want to add a kind of aside here… I basically use ellipses the same way LLMs spit out the em dash). Anyway, sometimes I block myself off from reading for months at a time because I just don’t want to start another book, but I can’t bring myself to finish the one I’m reading. Well, I guess I may as well divulge the name of that book too! It’s actually the second book of a trilogy. I feel like if I get through like 50 more pages, I will get to a point where my desire to know what happens next outweighs my indolence. Okay, okay, my bad, it’s the second book in Adrian Tchaikovsky’s Children of Time series, Children of Ruin. I don’t remember exactly when I finished the first book, but it was definitely over a year ago. Maybe I should try to read it again soon. 

    Omg, you’re not going to believe this (you likely will, actually). I just had the thought, “I wonder when I’m gonna have time to get into that though?” LOL. Like girl!! Make time, all you need to do is do it, you have hardly any real obligations. I’m easily distracted and am addicted to social media. I need to force my brain to do “hard” things more! Imagine I actually tried to read something really dense? Well, I mean, that’s just a leisure activity, isn’t it? That’s for retired people. I hope I can retire one day… I have a lot of reading to do. 

  • Not Much to Say Today

    I’m hoping today will be the most stressful day of my week. If that’s the case, the week will be okay. I feel overwhelmed, but I must persevere. There’s really not that much happening in my life considering the amount of things that could happen to a person in their lifetime. I’m gonna try to feel blessed and lucky! I hope you try to feel that way too even though I’m sure there’s stuff that’s getting you down right now. I hope you don’t let it. I hope you have a nice week everyone! We’ll chat more soon. On the bright side, I am reading a book and I like it! It’s about deep water diving.

  • I Did YouTube for the Love of the Game Back in the Day. Just like this blog, I guess. lol

    I’m not a Jets fan, but I was really sad to hear about Nick Mangold  passing away. I know it’s business, so I shouldn’t care about this too much, but I admire players that spend their entire careers with one organization. I remember reading his post pleading for a kidney, and I thought that if anyone had a chance of finding a living donor, it’s probably him. Sometimes things happen faster than we could ever imagine. It’s overwhelming to think about. I think that’s why people usually don’t. I guess I just couldn’t avoid it today. Maybe I need to stay off social media more while I am going through these trying times. I did get a book yesterday, and it seems like I will get into it and read it somewhat quickly, so that should be a little bit of a distraction. 

    The reason I said something about social media isn’t just that one thing today. Earlier, I saw a post about a man saying goodbye to his father on the cusp of succumbing to thyroid cancer. It made me cry. I feel so sad when other people feel pain, even the guaranteed pain from death and taxes. Someone recently told me that my empathy is a strength, but it was in the midst of a conversation about how I still need to do what I have to do sometimes. Very hard! The range of emotions I feel about such a wide array of people is incredible. Maybe it isn’t, idk. I just don’t see it in the majority of people. Doesn’t mean I’m like totally alone in how I be feeling and acting though. I wonder why I feel so much for others while feeling disconnected from most people. I’m just not sure. Maybe I’m more empathetic when I’m overwhelmed myself. There are times where any empathy is drained from my body and I wish the worst onto people and their children. I don’t know why, but it just happens when I’m really mad. Idk if that’s normal, probably a little? Sometimes people ask me why I say the things I do and I have no other response other than in those moments, I really do feel those ways. The moments are fleeting, but they happen. I just need to control myself enough to make it through without causing irreparable damage to my life or future. At least I’m getting older and my future isn’t as… important? 

    I remember going into high school and putting all of my YouTube videos on private, thinking it would prevent me from getting into college. Sigh! I need to follow my own path! It just seems so hard and I don’t want to be a drain on anything or anyone. I want to provide something beneficial to society. I guess my insane YouTube videos from middle school aren’t really a benefit to society, but it’s an example of how I so often feel controlled by these social forces that are likely completely in my head. My head really goes crazy sometimes. Like I’m you, why are you trying to convince me I can’t succeed at anything, so what’s the point in trying? I don’t know how to stop letting myself and others get in my way. I guess it’s good I’m acknowledging out loud (well, out of my mind at least) that I am one of my own obstacles. Probably the biggest one, ultimately. 

  • Yukon (Cornelius) Gold

    I learned what apple puffs are today. They’re pretty decent; the ones I had were more than a little greasy. I went to a fall-themed festival. Big crowd. It’s nice seeing people out and about enjoying themselves. I’m not sure how I feel about doing things personally, but it’s good sometimes, I guess, lol? No, it’s usually good, but the problem is, I’m just such a sleepy person! I need so much time to rest. Maybe not that much, but sometimes it feels like it. There’s just so much going on, very exhausting. You never know what’s going to happen next. Like right now, I never would’ve seen a Jonas Brothers performance in the midst of the World Series as a tribute to Stand Up to Cancer. Who’s your favorite Jonas Brother? I don’t really have one, but I’ll go with Joe anyway.

    It’s not that late, but I’m a little tired. I want to talk about the potatoes I made yesterday before I go. I was at the store yesterday morning, maybe early afternoon. Something a little funny happened while I was getting the potatoes, mini Yukon Gold, to be specific. They were loose, free for the picking. As I was finishing up, a man walked up to me asking if there were any prepackaged ones. I only saw the normal-sized ones in a bag, but he didn’t want those. He was legitimately disappointed he’d need to pick them out. I felt a little bad. I wonder why he felt that way; I hope he wasn’t asked to get pre-packed mini Yukon Golds and that he isn’t disappointing anyone. I don’t know why I think about this; let’s move on to cooking ‘em.

    I was planning on classic mashed potatoes, but sometimes, things change. I was persuaded to peruse those luscious little golden mamas. So, I pivoted to smashing them flat (ideally) and baking them to crisp up. I feel like I’ve done something like that once or twice before this time. I definitely don’t have the process down pat, but we’re getting there. I had some decent ideas this time; execution was alright.

    So, what’d I do? I’ll tell you, don’t worry, honey. Once I got home, I washed them off and put them in a pot with salted water to boil. Don’t ask how long I boiled them, because I think it was a little too long. Once I did take them out of the water, I let them stay in the strainer for a bit to steam off some of the excess water on the outside. After a while, I coated them in a little oil. Not sure if that was a good or bad idea. After that, I messed up, like, four potatoes trying to smash them flat. I think I went in too aggressively. I got the hang of a better technique, but I’m still not actually happy with them. I need them to be flatter while maintaining some sort of contiguous shape. I eventually gave up on trying to make the first ones work and took the messy, hot chunks of potato off the parchment. Taking those out of the picture helped me out, because I was like, “WTF, man.” I’m glad I had extra potatoes.

    Okay, we’re up to flat-ish potatoes on a baking sheet covered in parchment paper. I spread some oil over the top of those little ladies and popped them in the oven for a while at 425°F. Since I wanted them in at that temp, I couldn’t use butter yet. Too risky. What I ended up deciding on was melting butter and adding chopped herbs (rosemary, sage, and thyme), garlic, and a bit of lemon juice. Once the potatoes were sufficiently (not perfectly, unfortunately) crisp, I took them out of the oven and topped them off with the butter. Two of them had a lot of garlic. I loved them for it…

    Okay, let’s get back on track and finish this up. After putting the butter on, I put the potatoes back in the oven (now turned off). I just wanted the butter to soak in a bit, get them settled better. I think it was a good idea and arguably an important step. Some may say that they weren’t crispy enough because of the butter. I will need to experiment with the amount to see for sure. Despite all of these hardships (slightly over-boiled, not flat enough, sub-optimally shaped, not as crisp as desired, etc.), they were really tasty, and it’s not like they weren’t at all crispy. I guess I’ve written a lot today. I hope it wasn’t annoying. I’m including two pics, but the order/placement isn’t ideal. I put the potatoes up top, but I do want to share the greasy bag filled with those apple puffs, too. So here it is!omg this is a last second addition. I accidentally copied and pasted the potatoes in a weird way and it’s stuck there and I don’t want to edit the post further right now so it’s staying looking insane and bad LOL. Oh well, is what it is I suppose?

  • Prospective Perception

    It’s kinda wild how the mind makes space for all it needs to do. I’m not sure if I’m saying that the way I’m meaning it. I’m thinking of a  mechanism that reminds me of procrastination. Somehow, it basically always takes me the amount of time I am allocated to take care of something. If I give myself less time, it’s better… sometimes. There’s one instance of this I remember from middle school that has always stuck with me, perhaps too much. 

    I had a little report/project for science class. It was all about atomic element number 4, Beryllium. I think a day or so before it was due, I had a friend’s birthday party. My mom wanted me to get the project done before then. I basically did, maybe even it was totally done. I had it laid out on the living room floor when my old dog, rest his perfect little asshole soul, my little Sgeddies, came in there and was starting to step on the pages. I picked him up and he was PEEING!!! It got on most of the pages. I was so sad, but I had to persevere. The project was due the next day. I locked in (at like 12 LOL) and got it done. And you know what? It was significantly better than the first. 

    Now that I am thinking about it more slowly, I’m wondering if maybe it was better because I had already done what was essentially a rough draft. Regardless, I do work pretty well under pressure (sometimes the good work does come after a freak out, but whatever). I wonder if that’s why all these startups (amongst most other places in the private sector, I’m sure) set all these crazy deadlines for themselves. We need a little pressure to bring out the best in us. It’s quite a balance though. I think we may be getting back to our conversation about mindset and perspective… maybe it’s a sign I should stop because we are getting deeper than my poor little brain can handle right now. I want to acknowledge it isn’t very deep. This is a statement about how little I have in me right now!! 

  • She Looka Like a Man

    The U.S. government has been shutdown for over three weeks. Sports gambling is going hog wild. The mafia is both alive and well, not sure how. Well I am sure how $$$$$$$$. 

    It’s getting late and I need to finish writing something up. A lot of my bandwidth has been going towards, well, I don’t even have the words to accurately describe the situation. The main thing I want convey is that I’m doing something I haven’t really done before, which is hard enough for little old me. It’s more than that though, I am doing and learning (simultaneously) something new in what one could consider a hostile environment. I will be happy when this period of time is over. 

    I’m trying to look for the bright sides of all that is going on. One bright side is there are bright sides! There’s some situations where it’s hard to see any light. I’m learning a lot, including things about myself. I will be better prepared for mayhem in the future than I was a few weeks ago. Maybe everything happens for a reason. Just need to be open to seeing it that way… I guess… looking on the bright side… I wanted to say more today, but it’s getting late. Kept getting distracted by other obligations. Booooo!!! I do want to end with a random last thought, though. First and foremost, focus on what is necessary. 

  • Sleepy Beans Are Sleepy

    It’s that time of the night again. Time to write a little bit. It’s only been a month and I only have a few people that read this, so far, though, I’m happy with my decision to do this. I’m free to post something short if I’m not feeling it, but I’m more apt to remain accountable to myself to do a little something by posting it. I highly doubt I would still be keeping up with this if I wasn’t posting it. I am not 100% positive writing daily is helping me at all, but I don’t feel it’s a burden. I haven’t been able to dedicate as much time to writing as I’d like recently, but I think it’s good for me to set aside at least a few minutes for myself. I guess I’m not doing that much in life, so what do I really need a break from? Idk exactly, but it’s just been a little tiring being alive. I’ve been doing a decent amount lately and I don’t think it’s energizing, I think I feel more tired. It’s hard to find a good balance with sleep. I’m just an overall tired person. I don’t have a lot of juice in me. I guess I get juiced up if I’m angry, but that’s exhausting. I feel like people talk about their issues with insomnia a lot, but not as many people are openly just talking about how they always need a nap. I basically always need a nap. I guess I’m too tired to come up with fun posts lately. Soon I will be revived. Manifesting it. 

  • Sporadic Thoughts R Us

    Not a big fan of breaking rules. Makes me nervous. Another one of those days where I’m not entirely sure what to say. Life is so… what you make of it I guess. Here I am acknowledging it once again. Trying to practice what I believe. I kinda have a love hate relationship with listening to people talk on the phone in public. It’s better than people watching. Much more to work with when crafting a little life for this stranger and the person on the other end of the phone line. Phone lines aren’t much of a thing anymore, but you know what I mean. Isn’t language so fun? Ah yes, that’s something I haven’t mentioned much. I really like learning about different languages since I’m not very good at applying myself enough to actually learn a new language. I should really get to that. Would be good for the brain. I have a decent foundation to try to pick up learning French or Spanish again. Mandarin is probably most practical. Farsi would be interesting. Imagine what poems that would unlock. A topic for another day, me thinks. 

    Anyone have any opinions on encores at shows? What’s the point if it’s always planned? Is there a reason? A nice little break for the band perhaps? Maybe they just like hearing people beg for them. That’s sooo fair. Me too buddies. I wonder why we evolved to enjoy music. Does it involve rhythm? Idk. Will chat soon. Toodaloo 

  • actualize

    My body craves some sort of respite. My mind wishes for something more than what it can currently fathom. Looking for something is a far more formidable opponent than the humble needle in a haystack. I believe I’m searching for a concept, which explains why it feels so fleeting. I need to visualize what tangible actions I can take that will lead to the materialization of my ideal reality. What a daunting task. Not trying may be worse, though. I think that’s all I have to say for now. 

  • aliens

    I’ve been feeling nervous the past few weeks. I need to work on not worrying about the things I can’t change. Sometimes I daydream about what it would be like to be abducted by aliens. Imagine it ends up happening and it absolutely sucks. That would be so sad. If I were to realize what happened/was happening, I’d literally think back to this exact moment and say to myself, “Once again, you got what you asked for.” 

    When my mind is clear, I try my best to be careful what I wish for. There are moments I wish for things I don’t actually want. When I say things I don’t even want, I mean my rational mind doesn’t want it once a bad moment passes. There are, of course, things I have asked for that turned out to be less blessing and more curse. When that happens, you’ve gotta just take it and roll with it. I’m not anti-complaining, but you can’t complain about getting what you asked for just because it’s not what you thought it would be. One of those, “it is what it is” situations in life. Probably one of the best times to try to practice gratitude. 

    Anyone have any thoughts on aliens? I have some thoughts, but idk if they’re coherent. Maybe that’s a post for 5 months from now when I’ll cut down and write more thoughtful posts. I wonder if we will know more about extraterrestrials by then. What if there are what we would consider“extraterrestrials” but it is just us from the future or a different species from Earth. Or maybe even a different dimension? Maybe I’m just searching for something more… I should look closer to home, realistically.